Minato's Inconvenient Secret
by Honore - Form. MerlintoVivian
Summary: The call has been sounded, and let the games begin! There's something about Minato and that Skewered Seal he always carries around. . . Cracky crossover, a Vivian-written production.


This is a Vivian production, written by Vivian of "Vivian to Merlin'

All characters, concepts and settings belong to their respective owners, the light novel writers, the manga writers/illustrators and all miscellaneous authors. What this fanfic writer owns is the story, whose existence is more important than anything else.

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"Onii-chan, what's this?"

Sahashi Minato, arms full of the latest laundry, turned. His eyes widened a fraction, before they settled into playful amusement. He found a place to lay down the freshly dried laundry and approached one of his "sekirei", a small, blonde girl wearing a frog-suit, who held out a miniature doll to him.

"That is onii-chan's Kuu-chan." he smiled. He gently pried the doll out of Kusano's reluctant hands and looked at it closely. "This was a," he hesitated, "a gift from. . . onii-chan's little sister."

"You mean Kuu?" the little nymph asked innocently, who didn't remember giving him a gift. That was something she resolved to do later on.

"No, onii-chan's other little sister. I told you about her right?" Seeing Kusano, nod, Minato beamed and held the doll out. "I was really surprised when I got this, I thought my little sister had a weird sense of humor, don't you agree?" He gave the doll a squeeze. Somewhere from inside the inn, someone sneezed. Minato stirred uneasily, before looking to Kusano for admision.

"Yeah. . . it looks weird. . ." Kusano took a closer look. "This is Seal-san. He lives in the water but also in land. Say hello to Kuu, Seal-san."

"Hello, Seal-san!" "Hello!"

A strangled cough came from Minato's mouth. Then he continued through a muffled, childish voice, "How are you today?" He gave the doll a slightly stronger squeeze.

After Kusano laughed and headed off to play in the garden, Minato heaved a long sigh. Then he instantly stuffed the strange-looking seal doll into his pocket before continuing with the laundry.

Hours later, after dinner, Minato spent some time standing in the corridor to Matsu's room, listening intently. Then he took out the doll from his pocket and stared into its cartoonish eyes.

Kusano failed to mention it, but the doll was weird for a plushie intended for children. There was a single stick that looked like a stake that had been driven through the seal's chest, and loose thread that emulated blood came out from the wound. The seal's black button eyes gleamed in the lights.

A number of hours even more later, while the rest of the inn were fast asleep, a thoroughly nervous Minato stepped out of the inn's backdoor, wearing a long-sleeved fur jacket. He tried to steady his rapidly beating heart, gone nervous because of the threat of being discovered by Miya-san or any of his other flock, but to no avail. He rechecked his watch and swiftly made his way at a run down the quiet lamplit streets of Tokyo, his heart pumping a lively jig in his chest..

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"Good midnight, Kei-chan. You're the last one to make it. The others have already taken up their positions. Step to it, boy!" A short-haired girl clad in a skimpy sailor uniform lounged luxuriously on a rooftop somewhere in Tokyo, holding three short-wave radios close to her well-endowed chest. She grinned a half-fanged smile, grown from years of perversion, and laughed at the latecomer's surprise.

"Tomo-san? You're the moderator for today's fight?" came a voice from the radio.

"I know right? And I was responsible for last month's too! They ain't giving us responsible types any breathing room." The truth was, she liked it, well because, ". . . but anyway, this gives me a chance to rub some action. You all know my special rules as moderator right?"

A chorus of groans greeted her and she cackled, squirming in her shoes lewdly. "Well that's what you get for not taking the fighting seriously. I mean seriously if you'd only worked as hard as Hayate, you'd have been moderator candidates already!"

"Wait, they made Hayate-san a moderator-elect?" came a disappointed voice.

"That's right. And if you keep mucking about you lazy dumbass Touma, you'll be stuck accepting stupid requests from the higher-ups!"

"I can't help it," the voice protested. "I've got serious responsibilites all the time! You won't believe my luck with such things. One moment I've solved a problem, the next something else comes!"

"Be that as it may, you do know your responsibility as one of us. Ya gotta fight if ya want a chance to win," She checked her watch. "Anyway, we're starting since Kei-chan's you would prepare yourselves for energization please?"

"Roger," came the three's voice.

A bespectacled man fished a book from the pile in his bags. He gave a cursory glance at the college-level material there. He fingered the golden bracelet on his arm nervously. Then he turned to ascend the nearby stairwell.

In another area, a guy with unruly hair flipped a coin lazily, and covered it with his left hand as he caught it with the back of his right. He uncovered the hand and sighed. "It looks like I'll be unlucky this fight again." His bracelet gleamed even in the streetlight.

Huddling in an alleyway somewhere away, Minato rolled up his long-sleeved jacket and clutched at the bracelet that clung around his upper arm. It started emitting a golden glow. Minato breathed deep and made a fist.

"Alright, rules of engagement yadda yadda, you may not divulge information yadda yadda time limit yadda yadda. . . and did I forget something- oh, the area is yours, but keep destruction to a minimum. Well that's a pretty shit rule, but bah. Oh, and here's the most important thing." Tomo leered in the moonlight. "Special Rule: the loser gets to be groped repeatedly by the moderator." She gave a disturbing cackle again.

"Begin."

She watched as three golden glows illuminated areas around her, pinpointing the exact location of the combatants. She rubbed her hands in anticipation. This was going to be a long midnight. From out her pocket, her own plushie, a lion missing many of its important limbs, hopped out and perched on her shoulder.

"Transform!"

Where he once stood, a glasses-wearing girl now clutched her book around her chest protectively. Her coat had transformed into a cloak, which wreathed her like a ghost. She cleared her throat and looked up at the moon wearily. "The night is still young." She held out her hand, where the golden bracelet shone brightly on the wrist, and made a gesturing sound. "Oh guardian of luck, come to my aid, feed my hunger, feed your hunger, the yellow cat leaps beckons and invites good luck, come to me, guardian of luck!" At her command, the objects around her shuddered to life and came together on the ground before her in groaning heaps of metal and concrete and plastic to form. . . a great golden cat. She leaped up to mount it, and after adjusting her glasses, pointed her finger south. The cat, a lion now perhaps, roared and leaped upon the rooftops in obedience.

"Transform!"

Gone was the delinquent-looking fella, now there was a girl with curly, messy hair who stretched and swung her arms. The bones popped and snapped into place as she swung into a ready stance. She now had two weapons in both her hands, in her right a gauntlet tipped with golden claws and on her left a literal dragonshead with gleaming ruby eyes and fearsome opened jaws with serrated metal teeth. She made a few tentative jabs in the street, and after a quick combo, smashed the dragonhead into a nearby car, which promptly blew up. The explosion triggered a chain reaction, but the girl was now far away, leaping onto the rooftops. She surveyed the resulting destruction and hung her head. "I knew that was going to happen, damn it. I really have the worst luck." Then she cocked her head as the sounds of a roaring lion reached her ears and she slipped into a steady stance. "Crap, my position's been found too soon? That's real unlucky, yo."

Transform!

Minato had disappeared. There was a steady rush of foosteps in the building next to the alley where he'd been, but as for the ashikabi himself there was no sign.

A blast of fire came at him, but Tou-chan merely grinned and charged at it head-on, meeting the blast with her left hand. At her punch, the flames dissipated, and the dragon seemed to have sucked in all the flame. Through the smoke she spotted another blast incoming. She leaped through more rooftops and punched that to nonexistence too.

As Kei-chan saw her target she groaned in protest. "Of all the people I'd target first, it's her? And here I thought you were lucky, golden lion." she muttered gloomily. She watched as Tou-chan leaped the remaining distance, heading straight for her with a fearless smile on her face. Kei-chan's pet lion roared again, a feeble attempt to scare off her opponent, and she herself knew it was useless.

She decided to try to whittle her down from a distance. Kei-chan opened her book, leafing through the pages quickly. Finding what she needed, she put her hands together, clutched as if in prayer. As she unclasped them, there now was blue-glowing fire wrapping themselves around her hands. Grunting in pain, she pointed her hands at her opponent, concentrating immensely. Twin streaks of blue flame erupted, spilling out on the empty space between rooftops.

It was apparently enough to give pause to Tou-chan, who was about to leap that gap. She cursed as she recognized that flame, watching it spread to her left and right. Pretty soon she'd be unable to cross that flame barrier. So she put her hands behind her head and waited. The flames would die out soon (hopefully).

Though she recognized it as pretty harmless.

She was only particularly afraid because passing through it enhanced one's bad luck. Permanently.

Smirking in small triumph, Kei-chan ordered her cat to pace the flames, steadily casting up her own big counter-attack. That fist-fight loving bitch would be smothered in her special spell!

Far away, Tomo-chan pulled out a card from a deck in her pocket. Tapping it twice, it transformed after a brief flash of light into a pair of binoculars. After putting them on and surveying the battlefield, she gave a low whistle. "Kei-chan and her specialty. That's one wicked spell. I remember Kodaka-chan getting caught up in that barrier thing. Poor fella couldn't find any new friends since then."

She swept her glance from the blue glow to the rest of the field. "So where's Mina-chan?"

Though Kei-chan did her best, the confusing swirls of wind that shaped themselves like fists couldn't match up to Tou-chan's real fists. The spell dissipated before the power of her left dragonhead, which seemed to suck in all the wind into itself greedily.

After a stunned silence, Tou-chan shook the curly hair from her eyes and grinned. "Is it my turn now?"

Kei-chan only looked at her with calculated shock, before she tapped her mount's sides with her feet. The cat mewled pathetically before fired off a few shots as she retreated, weak fire-ball spells that were deathly accurate, though were deflected with ease by Tou-chan.

"Aw come on, stop running! You ever gonna stop trying to get out of my range?" grumbled Tou-chan as she leapt in pursuit, deflecting a few more spells. "That's no way for a Kampfer to fight!"

As the two continued their cat-and-mouse chase, a pair of cold eyes regarded them clinically through a targetting reticule. Mina-chan was prone, holding a long-barreled sniper rifle in her hands. She adjusted her sight as she felt a shift in the wind through the window.

She chewed thoughtfully on the matchstick in her mouth, watching the heated battle escalate. For now, the two were moving too fast to catch. Plan A revolved around them standing still long enough for Mina-chan to drill a hole in each of their heads. She exhaled once, then inhaled. The patient hunter always gets the prey.

Kei-chan had switched to a new tactic, Tou-chan could guess. She was now aiming directly for her blind spots, using misdirecting spells and confusing colors to distract her into showing an opening every now and then already. Well, she couldn't help it, sometimes. Even as a Kampfer, she did have limits to her stamina.

Then again, so did Kei-chan.

She paused in her pursuit, taking deep, laboured breaths. The statue cat, looking a bit worn to wear, stopped too, and the two combatants regarded each other through continuous wheezes and heaving chests.

Then came the sound of something pinging against the roof. Then another, and another. Soon, the tell-tale signs of concrete being ripped up by gunfire surrounded them, and Tou-chan immediately took cover. The sniper snagged a few hits on the poor cat's head, who merely roared feebly in response.

"Shit! Shit shit! It's just like that bitch to hit us when we're distracted! I knew I was gonna get screwed once I encountered Kei-chan first!" Unfortunately for the wonder-girl, who could shrug off even the most intense of magical might, she couldn't dodge cold-hard bullets. An entire barrage whistled over her head as she crouched behind a cemented barricade. It unnerved her that Mina-chan somehow knew where she was hiding.

Kei-chan on the other hand, took the new situation with renewed gusto. Measly bullets may scar and deform her pet, but a quick shielding spell rendered all of her deadly shots useless. She watched as a multitude of bullets dissolved into molten slag as they were halted in midair by her invisible shield.

The bespectacled Zauber could almost feel the Gwehr's frustration from afar.

Kei-chan smiled faintly, amusement dancing across her glasses. Now for another counter-attack.

Knowing that Tou-chan was currently suppressed somewhere else, Kei-chan started ripping out pages from her book at random. Crushing them together as in a preparation for a paper-mache, Kei-chan took the whole bunch afterwards into her mouth. Then she chewed, watching with disinterest as Mina-chan switched from attacking her body to taking potshots against her mount.

It took a mere part of a second to figure out the animated creature's weakened spots, and those were what the expressionless Mina-chan targetted first. She brutally fired another barrage, targetting the creature's legs. Two of them shattered.

A movement in her field of vision alerted her to Tou-chan running from her current hiding place, and Mina-chan was quick to adjust. Her eyes narrowed as the blade-fisted Schwert ducked again jus in time to dodge her warning shots.

That little distraction cost her, however, as she was too late to realize that that damn Zauber had been firing up a spell. And was now sending it in her direction.

A big ball of fire, illuminating the bleak night as if the sun itself had descended into the hour, erupted from Kei-chan's mouth. She spat it straight in the direction of the shots, then quickly brought her hands to her ears to block out the imminent explosion.

Of course, Mina-chan had escape routes aplenty. She quickly discarded the rifle as she clambered out of her hiding spot, making her way for the building's fire exit at about the same time that the spell erupted. Knowing great destruction was about to take place, Mina-chan free-falled the rest of the floors down, landing into a roll that recovered into a running dash. She felt the faint heat from the coming spell as she dove for cover behind a dumpster.

Tou-chan watched with an amused giggle as Kei-chan's spell blew up the building where Mina-chan ought to be. In its wake, the explosion magnified to include the next few buildings in a radius around the center, and soon, there was nothing but smouldering buildings along the horizon.

The shots now silenced, Tou-chan turned her attention to the triumphant Zauber. She had fallen off her mount, which had toppled on its two legs, laughing and kicking up her legs hysterically. Perfect. Tou-chan's smile turned into a slit as her dragonshead gleamed from the aftermath of the explosion.

The curly-haired Schwert gathered up her energies, using a once-in-a-battle special ability granted to the class of Kampfer like her. Simply put, it was a big-ass leap, able to scale entire skyscrapers or the Bering Strait in one go. Here, in this smaller distance, Tou-chan only put a little energy before jumping.

If the spell had been a sun, Tou-chan now was a meteor, streaking towards earth after a swift arc directly into Kei-chan's position. The Zauber, realizing her peril, used her fire spell hastily to get away, and not a millisecond too soon.

The meteor impact shattered her summoned creature, and Kei-chan toppled to the ground as she felt the book slip from her grasp. Panicking now, she heard Tou-chan's steady leaps as she restarted pursuing her, and now without a mount, Kei-chan was stymied. So she thought on the only other solution. She dropped down from the roof's edge, and entered the building through a window, crashing through the glass with a slight whimper of pain. She then bounded towards the door, ripping it open with a blast of fire as she headed for the corridor.

"Ugh, crap." Tomo-chan muttered, her eyelids hurting from pressing against the binocular lens for too long. She watched as the free-for-all turned duel (though she wasn't herself sure if Mina-chan had been eliminated) moved into the buildings. From her vantage point, she couldn't see what was going on in there anymore. She shook her head, sticking her hand into the snack bag for another mouthful.

As she chewed, she distinctly heard a humming sound below her, and as she leaned over the edge to look, a satisfied smirk crossed her face. "Goo'ie, goo'ie. The makkth ith'nt thethl'ed ye'" she said through a mouthful of chips.

Plans B to E were out. That left F and Z. Z was something to not seriously contemplate. It was a loser's gamble. Using her hunting instincts, she honed in on where the fighting sounds were. She kicked her motorcycle into gear, making it speed up to engage her two enemies. She leaned forward against the wind, hoping to be able to catch them off-guard.

She did not believe a Schwert could be this fast. She could practically feel Tou-chan's murderous breath on her neck as she put whatever spell she could behind to stay ahead. It seemed her gamble to trap the dangerous Kampfer inside a building and drench it in an explosion had failed. And it had failed hard.

Boy, was she so unlucky.

Seeing her only escape, Kei-chan leapt through the window.

Tou-chan watched her quarry crash into another window in a bid to escape. She took another leap, and she was now so close she could take a swing and know she would smash it into that Zauber's head, effectively winning her the battle and dispelling the myth that Schwerts could never beat Zaubers in even combat.

She must look stupid, frozen in midair as a feral-looking Tou-chan drew up her left fist to end her existence. Time slowed for Kei-chan as she watched the fist go closer and closer. . .

And suddenly there was the sound of an engine rumbling. Mina-chan had rounded the corner just then, and had let her hands off the handle, drawing two submachine guns from her coat, dual-wielding it like some mother on a mission. Kei-chan was the first to see the sight, and so was the first to respond.

A blast of repelling air blocked the first barrage of bullets, and both Zauber and Schwert were knocked away from each other in the force of the instant-cast one-use shield spell. Tou-chan grabbed onto a fire-exit railing as Kei-chan floated quickly to a window, both breathing huge gasps.

Though that didn't stop Mina-chan, not in the least. The cold-blooded way she kept up her assault separately on the two, which spanged off Kei-chan's shield and forced Tou-chan to start moving as she coasted below them on her cycle. Just as she was about to reach the end of the street, she made a quick U-turn, and as she tires screeched in response, time once again slowed.

Fight or flight?

God fucking damnit, she had been this close to offing that bitch. Granted, she had saved her life from that spell, but damn! If she'd only been a second earlier, she would have won. She could have won!

She was so close now. A few more leaps, and a sure punch to the head.

She was so close now. She was a sitting duck, running around on that ridiculous machine like she was a ghost rider or something. Just one well-aimed spell and boom! She would be able to finish what she was supposed to have done five minutes ago.

Just one shot. Just one shot connecting. She was close. No longer the silent hunter, she was now the killing shot. It didn't matter if it was one or the other. She would win. This was partways Plan B and Z.

There was the sound of wings

.And time sped up.

That street bore witness to chaos unceasing as gunfire followed the sound of crackling flames and the clank of steel against concrete and steel.

Tou-chan was in a blood-frenzy, using all her remaining energy to stay ahead of Mina-chan's shots as much as possible as she leaped after the Zauber.

Kei-chan sank into a tunnel vision so intense, she could only dimly remember that the other enemy was still chasing her as she hunted down the Gwehr, finally landing a damn hit.

Mina-chan cursed, fire wrapping itself quickly around her coat. Too late, even after she shrugged the coat off, some of the magical fire had somehow fallen into the cycle. Time kept ticking.

The Zauber watched in triumph as Mina-chan crashed her cycle into the side of a building. She narrowly dodged the Schwert's swing, which still clipped her hard enough to knock her down onto the street. She saw stars dancing across her vision as her breath left her in the moment she slammed into the concrete.

The Schwert landed on the ground. Looking back, she didn't see Mina-chan appear from the wreckage. Turning back with satisfaction, she banged her fists together as she sauntered over to the Zauber, who was now struggling to recover from her fall.

Grunting in part pain and annoyance, Mina-chan flexed her arms and pulled. Her upper body, having lost its coat was now only modestly covered with a single bulletproof vest and a sports bra Her bracelet gleamed against her delicate upper arm. Kicking her feet against the metal, she finally pulled out her Plan Z. The trail of unspent bullets clinked against the ground as Mina-chan limped over, bringing the minigun to bear.

"Kill me now and you die, Schwert." She pointed her fingers up to where Mina-chan was. Tou-chan made a frustrated groan, her left hand already poised to pound and ground Kei-chan's face into paste.

Mina-chan still looked like she didn't give a shit one way or another. Her expressionless demeanor didn't change as she depressed the trigger, and the barrel started revolving, heating up for its full payload.

Tou-chan stiffened. Her eyes widened like an animal caught in the roadlights, and she was really stuck between a rock and a hard place.

The multiple barrels sped up. Tou-chan narrowed her eyes.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa time out! Time out!" There was the flapping of wings and the minigun was hoisted into the air, and Tou-chan was dragged away from Kei-chan through an unseen force tugging at her weapons.

Tomo-chan descended, her arms spread out, A self-satisfied smirk crossed her face as she looked from each combatant to the other. After landing, both weapons disappeared into thin air along with the wings, which dissolved into many pieces in the air, which quickly resolved themselves into pieces of cards.

"That was a good match to watch, you three. But too bad for y'all, ya forgot to watch the time limit. Seven minutes!" The cards arranged themselves into a deck, which Tomo-chan started shuffling idly in her hands.

Mina-chan coughed, cricking her head as the adrenaline slowly receded from her system. This occured to the others too, and Tou-chan sighed irritably as she ran her hands through her curly hair. Kei-chan merely adjusted her damaged glasses, which had remained in place after being knocked down by the Schwert.

"Points go to both Mina-chan and Kei-chan for exemplary tactics, even though I know I could've done better myself. You can look up your current point tally tomorrow, just ask for the info from your plushies." She waggled a finger at Tou-chan, who had bristled upon realizing she wasn't geting any points.

"Don't give me that look girl! I said ya had to be better didn't I? This whole 'get-to-them-and-knock-them-good' plan's never gonna work throughout your matches! A Zauber can outrange ya all the time! A Gwehr can annihilate ya! Your only hope comes in challenging a fellow Schwert, and ya know how matches are usually formed."

"Man! At this rate, I might never be able to get moderator-elect!" groaned Tou-chan. "Can't you give points to I don't know, zealous whatchamacallit or something? I know Saito's been given that before!"

"Suck it." Tomo-chan stuck out her tongue. "And as for Saito-chan's case, she was up against two, count 'em, two Gwehrs, girl! She held out to the end against overwhelming odds!"

"What the fuck is with my luck. . . " Tou-chan kicked up some loose debris.

"I don't know, ya think ya might wanna look into that next time?" Tomo-chan shook her head.

"Um, Tomo-chan, could you conclude this already?" asked Kei-chan tentatively. "The hour's almost over, and I gotta be at the inn early tomorrow in time for the rounds." Mina-chan nodded in her own silent manner.

"Go? Who said y'all could go? Didn't the special rules say the losers get to be groped?" A lecherous grin spread across Tomo-chan's face. "A draw with no clear winner means. . . everyone's a loser." She licked her lips.

Three sets of eyes eyed her coldly, one pair even more so.

A minute of ass-kicking followed.

"Damn, then I'll just grope ya next time! Don't forget it!" Tomo-chan wailed, her wings having returned to her in her attempt to escape three angry superwomen.

"Shut up! Don't you have your own damn group of girls to grope?"

"B-b-but it's impossible for me- I mean the other me! He's too much of a dumbass to do it without provocation." She sobbed crocodile tears. Then she paused, contemplative. "Anyway, Ikaros'd kill me. The other me." Her wings flapped for the final time before she turned to leave through the skies.

:"Check your plushies daily for the next match. Let's all hope it's a doozy!" she called back as her final parting shot.

And just as quickly, the other three nodded at each other and dissolved into the early morning darkness. The golden light followed them for a short time before they dissolved completely.

They would not remember this night. This night was only for them, their "other sides". What the men only knew was that they were participating in a game, a game that could kill if their other selves weren't up to snuff.

And that only added to the thrill of the thing.

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Minato slid the back door open fearfully, wincing every time the old wood made a traitorous sound that seemed to echo loudly into the darkness. He peered inside carefully, but couldn't distinguish anything in the darknessHe braced himself, steeling his fragile heart as he stepped over the threshold.

And into Hell.

"Minato. . . " The first rumble came from his fourth sekirei, the blonde-haired, strong-willed water-specialist. Her voice was followed by the clicking on of lights, allowing the poor ashikabi to see his imminent tribunal.

Crossing her arms under her ample chests, Tsukiumi glared at her ashikabi, still dressed in her frilly pajamas as she glared with noticeable strain in her eyes at him, eyes that demanded answers, that would brook no hesitant or weak-willed ones.

Next to her was Kusano, who was attempting to mimic her fellow sekirei in demeanor, but only succeeded in emulating a pout, puffing up her cheeks as the child she was and glaring at him as if chiding Minato for disrupting her precious sleep time. She looked like a pint-sized tomato ready to burst.

And then right next was Musubi, his first, who did not look at all angry, but was instead concerned, as she immediately stood to hug her ashikabi, tears ready to burst from her eyes. "Minato. .. . " she sobbed into her shirt.

And suddenly Kusano decided to join in too, and tackled Minato in the leg, dragging down and nearly ripping up his shirt.

"H-hey everybody. . . "

"Where have you been?" Tsukiumi demanded. She was the only one who didn't move, preferring to be the sole tribunal left to question her ashikabi's sudden night trip.

"Er. . . ah. . . I woke up in the middle of the night, and I had the urge to drink some milk, but when I went down, there was none, so I stepped out to the convenience store to get some."

"For two hours?" Tsukiumi pressed suspicously.

"W-well, the only one open was pretty far away. . . "he tried to explain, waving the milk he'd bought in front of everyone. Kusano tried grabbing that instead.

"Still, the fact that you had the urge to drink milk doesn't excuse you-"

"You should've said something, Minato-sama!-"

"-so at least one of us could accompany you-"

"Musubi was so scared-"

"-instead of having us worried to death over your disappearance. You should be glad, _Minato, _that you had a good reason or else I would have had you -"

"And Musubi felt that because Minato-sama left without saying anything, she wasn't needed anymore, so Musubi felt that she would soon have had to-"

"-TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!"

Minato sighed hopelessly. It was going to be a long day, he knew, because he had to spend that time trying to indeed take responsibility and placate his flock. Speaking of which, where was Matsu. . . ?

"But then," Musubi wondered through her tears, "if you were so intent on getting milk, what were you doing watering the plants with it, Minato-sama?"

There was a ringing silence.

"Ah, Kuu-chan remembers onii-chan giving milk to the precious plants. Plants say they were happy!"

Desperately trying to soothe his two sekirei while trying to deflect the last's rage, Minato felt his last Trial enter at last.

"Ara~~ so Minato-san has been squandering precious milk? That seems quite unlikely for a gentleman like him. Especially since he of all people should know the rules of Izumo Inn?" The landlady appeared, with the full force of the demonshead behind her.

Minato's breath locked up in his throat as he desperately tried to explain, waving his alibi, the carton of milk in front of him as he tried to waive off the fact that he had wasted the entire carton of milk to buy him an excuse later on when he would have to go out to play that stupid game that he didn't even know if he'd won occasionally and ohmygod, the landlady was coming close and Tsukiumi wasn't budging no she was supporting the landlady by suppressing him with a glare that could drown you in its depths and Musubi being Musubi was wondering why he was shaking so much and Kusano had messed up and spilled the entire carton over the floor and please can somebody save me from this I should've planned something else-

Girls. Women. I can never understand how scary they can be.

From her secret lair, Matsu, Minato's last other Sekirei giggled to herself as she watched her master getting his just desserts. Or in this case, a thorough bombardment of self-inflicted guilt. Matsu adjusted her glasses, memorizing every inch of that anguished face so she could fit them in later on in her fantasies involving a whip, a chain, a ball-gag and some candles. . .

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Vivan's Note: One day, Merlin shot me an idea. What would happen if almost everybody significant were a secret Kampfer? Now _Kampfer_ is a fairly little-known story, a light novel series detailing the travails of your average joe receving a bracelet that would turn him into his alter ego (in this case, genderbending him) where he is told ot participate in a secret Battle royal with other girls who've received the same bracelet. To that end, they're given weapons and magic and they generally become more powerful and distinctly idiosyncratic than their "normal" selves.

The point Merlin tried to make is, since the main character (whose name escapes me now) turned into a girl who retained her sense of self despite the Kampfer transformation, what would happen to other main characters? He drew a distinction on harem male leads, reflecting the original story from Kampfer which has the MC build up his own harem throughout the nuttiness. Now applying the genderswitch with the alternate personality (which reminds me a lot of _Tsukihime_'s Inversion Impulse) from the other main characters would make for interesting ideas, characters, concepts, and ultimately a story. I suggested expanding it to almost any notable character, not just harem male leads, and the sky was the limit then.

And thus, a story was born. This story, in fact. The issue that it was Merlin again who discovered the insight is negligible; the words are mine as well as part of the concept. Why I chose Sekirei as a platform was because I needed Tokyo or some other city where the citizens had been conveniently evacuated (see or read Sekirei series for info). And also, henpecked husba- **^cough^ **ashikabi is neat to write about.

Tell me what you think, and feel free to use the concept yourself and mold it to your own don't even need to read the whole of Kampfer for yourself, or you might fit it into Kampfer's universe! "A Kyonko (from _The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya) _dual-wielding submachine guns as she heads off against a tyrannical female version of Rito Yuuki (from _To-Love-Ru_) wielding all the magical powers of perversity that (s)he is so often accused of." (this was Merlin's idea btw) Your only limit is your imagination, so imagine well!

Bonus points to anyone who knows the real name and source series of each of the combatants featured here!


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